If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
