I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I bet he comes in French.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
