I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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