Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
