All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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