I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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