If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
