STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
