I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
