I must be too annoying 4 u.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
