I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
