my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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