you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
