Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
