at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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