I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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