I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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