I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
