onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize