just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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