She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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