i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
