I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I love having hate sex.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
