I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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