I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
