the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
