I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
