It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
