I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
