lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
