we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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