So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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