forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
