I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
