Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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