I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Fuck appropriateness.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
