So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
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Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize