i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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