I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
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The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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