Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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