I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
