ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
