Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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