his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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