fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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