I hope mine doesn't look like that
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
