Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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