I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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