I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
