hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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