Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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