last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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