I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
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He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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