you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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