I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
