You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
