you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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