I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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