I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you would pick up someone in the library
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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