Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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