I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
