so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
