I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
