I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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