before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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