I want to walk on stilts...naked
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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