Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
