Define "chronic" masturbator.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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