If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
