proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
