I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
